i lost my best friend and the person i was inlove with. this is the most pain ive ever experienced in my life,
Kyle David Crumb
11/03/90-02/15/12
Bright as Lightning,
Loud as Thunder.
i finally got my tattoo for you. i got it on the 31st, your two month is coming up in about 10 days. i miss you so much its crazy my heart hurts. i thought i was miserable then,? i go back a million time and be the happyest person alive. i never thought id loose some who meant more than i could put in words. i knew your secrets, i still plan to keep them. i miss the stupid phone calls at three am when you wouldnt say anything for yhe first ten minutes. your little sister has helped me so much. seriously i love her. she reminds me of you. it makes me so happy. i just miss you. i try not to cry anymore. i still think about you everyday. its hard and i wish it didnt have to be like this..
sorry i dont come on here . my tumblr was all about kyle. only way i got the chance to vent my feelings. now it just hurts honestly.
i miss you so much kyle, seriously. my life is so different now. i never wanted shit to happen like this. i miss my best friend. i miss your cute face and how you could always make me smile. and that we were so close, i know your happy right now. i wish i could say the same. but some days are harder than others but no one will ever compair to you. your the person who helped me accept myself i cant thank you enough ill see you soon one day. and you better be there waiting with a blunt. miss youu dude. and i love you so much.
i had a long talk about you tonight, and about how much i fucking miss you. and how hard all of this is, and how i hope for the fucking moon and back that you can see all of us and how we are holding up. you be on proud ass kids, i can even put into words how much i love you and wish you were here, but you havent left my mine once in the past three year, and no matter how many more to come you will still be there. i miss you kyle, you meant the world to me.
stop talking about yourself like that you’re beautiful
10248, messages between us, and i cant bring myself to dig past all the fighting to the good nice, cute things, and the plans we had, and just everything that used to make me happy, it just truely makes me sad, know you wanted in your life forever, and you didnt even get to live your life to its full potential. you were an amazing person, and you showed me how much you truly cared by always coming back. im so glad, i got to send so many moments with you in the past three years, that i will remember for the rest of my life. you knew too many of my secrets, and i knew a lot of things that you hadnt even told your boys, the dark little things that you always needed that one person to tell. i remember you taking adderall and raking for four hours and then sitting in the tree house and just talking about the shitty thing that had happen in our life. or on justins fold out staying up all night, talking about how much we meant to each other. remember when we got to that happy medium, and we told our self’s that if this doesnt work out we were killing our self, like a romeo juliet type dealo. its crazy to think death can touch the ones we love. but i feel like you will always be with me, and as soon as i get that tattoo, you will know and love it, because i know how bad you wanted it. i miss you so much, my life sucks with your goofy smile trying to make me feel better.
I’ve always felt like I’m drifting through life, Like I’ve set a destination I’ll never reach. I’m just some kid who’s passed his peak, But friendship progress and honesty are what I seek.
When I look in the mirror, every time it’s someone new, I’m lost with no where turn to, I’m lost and I just don’t know what to do.
I haven’t slept in days, Sleep only brings the demons, So I stay awake trying to move on.
So I’ve turned my cheek, I’m sick of looking in the mirror. Never have I seen myself so bitter, I’m at the edge, but I’m no quitter. And I’m so sick of being a drifter.
Like water on the windshield, you distort my vision. Like driving in the rain, you’re a risk I’m willing to take. Cause this pit in my stomach isn’t anything I could fake.
It’s no surprise I found you, I’m looking for trust, And you’re so true, it’s no surprise I found you. All I’m looking for, is someone to trust, But baby it’s been so long, I’m bound to carry some rust.
Before, I was falling over but you keep me up. You help with the weight of the world that sits on my shoulders, Pushing it off like boulders, where would I be?
I’ve always felt stuck here. With you I feel like I can break this bond, The bond that holds me here, in this hole I call home. Like I can break this chain, Holding the anchor to my ankle.
and the people ive seen everyday. like justin hasty, i love you so much, and im glad i can remind you of him. devon, thank you for bringing me food and just sitting with me listing to me talk. and my mom, thanks for helping me so much. paul and lynda thank you guy know how bad this is hurting and you guys are trying to help me so much. dani sam & jenny all of you help me fall asleep thes past couple days.
but im sososo happy, that kayla crumb is forever going to be a part of my life. when i see her i just think how strong she is, to be going through everything life has thrown at her the last couple months. if she can do that, i know i should be able to. shes an amazing girl just like her brother and that why i would never want to lose her, because we lost him. her family is amazing too, ive really groown attached to them, and i hate see this tragic thing happen to them. i love them and i hope eerything is better in time.
he was an amazing person.
i wouldnt have traded him for the world. he touched so many people its crazy. i lost the person that i stayed up all night talking to listening to all your favorite songs,
just to sleep the next day away.
it was hard going even a week without seeing you. now ill never see you again after monday that hard to grasp. i hope you can see everyone, and how much they truely love you. id relive the past three years and do it all the same, no matter how hard it got. you made me so happy its crazy like no matter how mad i was, you knew if you just smiled at me until i looked at you i wouldnt be mad, no matter how hard i tried not to look. all our rasseling, i won, ;) you knew it. no one will ever give me a shotgun on a blunt like you used to. all the walking to eachothers house at early hours of the morning. where are you to smoke the other half of my cig? or throw shit around my room. or lay in bed and smoke. i met so many people i love now because of you. you loved my boys and the was one of the greatest feelings ever seeing you play with them. going out to breskfast before work, even though you never really ate that early, you feed me. or the whole two months me you zach gabby would buy a blunt every night and sit in rams horn drink coffee and smoking all our cig until threee in the morning. or all the school you skipped to come to my house, just to come sleep with me. when you first awkwardly told me you liked me. <3 all the cute text. but it wasnt all happiness i know. we agured over shit that doesnt even matter. but you told me i was going to be in your life forever, well i will never replace you. you help me grow into the person i am now. i will never forget the impact on my life you made. i love you be happy.
i loved your little sister and brother so much. but they’re awesome, and they’re going to going to be in my life forever. i love talking to conner about how i wasnt one of the girls he wasnt afraid to bring home, and meet your family. remember playing wii with you cousins? lol i lost so hard. and papa crumb can i was aloud over 24/7 no matter the time. i guess i didnt have to sneak though your window. lol i always hated that, you knew it to.
im glad i went at one, and left at eight.
because i was always there to the end with you. always the last ones standing. always there when you woke up. they always take the good ones kyle. you were one hell of a person.
and hanging out with your favorite boys, just reminds me so much of all of us hanging out. you’ll always be on our blunts, and with our friends.
so many people loved the fuck out of you, though your 21 years of life you truly did something amazing for everyone, even if nothing worked right for yourself.
its just makes me so sad to say i tried so hard. i hated seeing your seizures, i knew they hurt so bad. so no matter how mad you go when you woke up at 4pm i didnt care. i remember when you mommaCrumb would text me and remind me to tell you to take your pills.
waking up to early, just to see you. strictly going to cambridge because it was going to be so fun going to school together. then just skipping everyday to smoke or walk in the woods or go to breakfast. no matter what you always came back. you were so good to me. you put me though some shit, but i did it because i loved you. i wish i had saved every cute text you every sent me. or the cute phone calls i wish i could hear one more time. or watching you dance and sing to me. you couldnt keep me mad at you. thats why you knew and said this was just another stupid fight.
when you told me i was going to be your girlfriend, a week before christmas, my heart dropped. but we both knew that you werent ready though, i wish i could make breakfast with you again, or just a midnight run to speedway.
i wish you were still here is about what it comes down to.
i could go on for hours about all the little thing you did for me, how much you showed you cared about me. how everyone else tells me he really loved you. random people tell how you talked about me. i love how you just knew no matter what everything would be okay. one day, shit would work out for us, now was not the time. you couldnt hurt me like you have all the other girls. you wanted me in your life forever.
